Sex Talk: Top 5 Questions to Get You Talking to Your Partner About Sex

It’s a well-known adage that open and honest communication is key in a healthy and fulfilling sexual relationship. But even knowing how to start the conversation about sex can be a challenge! So here are five questions that will open up the dialogue and get the discussion flowing.

1. How did you learn about sex?

Start with where it all started. It’s such a simple question that often times people don’t stop to think about where they learned about sex. Was it from an abstinence-only program at school? Did you have the “cool parents” who were always down to answer any of your questions. The ways we learn about sex can have a lasting impact on our beliefs about sex and our comfort level navigating the topic. Most conversations about sex can lead to deeply personal realms, so starting with questions that are broader may feel like an easier entry point.

2. How important to you is sex in a relationship?

Some people have a persistent desire for sex, while others experience no sexual desire at all. What’s important is that you and your partner(s) are aware of each other’s values and expectations of sex in the relationship. The beautiful thing is, is that there are no right or wrong answers here. Maybe you and your partner are aligned in your values, or maybe asking this question will reveal a misalignment. Either way, it’s important information to know and can open up even more conversations about sexual expectations.

3. What are your sexual fantasies?

This is one of the most common questions you’ll find on lists like this, and for good reason! Diving into fantasies offers the opportunity to start exploring places you and your partner haven’t touched before. Learn about your partner’s fantasies, and perhaps even create some new ones together. This shared imagination can be a source of bonding. But don’t get ahead of yourself! Remember that sexual fantasies are just that: a fantasy. Not everyone needs or even wants their sexual fantasies to be realized. So if your partner shares a fantasy that comes as a surprise to you, be sure to lead with curiosity and keep the conversation going.

4. What can I do that could increase your sexual satisfaction?

This is a tricky one. This question will require you to challenge yourself to be open to your partner’s feedback. You may feel put on the spot or self-conscious about your sexual performance abilities, but try not to internalize what your partner says. It can feel risky to ask for direct feedback like this, and it’ll also take vulnerability for your partner to answer honestly. Though this question may unlock sensitive conversations, it’s this sort of openness that will improve sexual intimacy.

5. What do you find most fun about sex?

Remember, sex should be fun! Bring lightness and laughter into the discussion. If things feel tense or rigid every time you and your partner talk about sex, it’ll be more difficult to translate these conversations into enjoyable sex. Highlighting the fun parts of sex can help ease the pressures of those heavy and awkward moments present in a lot of these conversations. Be playful together, and think about talking to your partner about sex as the opportunity to bond.

Now keep it going!

All these questions are meant to start the conversation about sex. Each of these prompts will open up deeper discussions that offer a lot of nuance and space to explore your and your partner’s perspectives. When it comes to sex, you’ll find that exploring every corner is well worth it!